It's like nails on a blackboard. Drives me utterly crazy. Makes me want to launch into a tirade. And it's simply one little phrase:
"Just a mom."
I hear it all of the time: people asking whether I work or am "just a mom"; women saying they're happy being "just a mom"; professionals wondering why any woman would want to be "just a mom."
Every time I hear it I think: who in the world is "just a mom"?
Really, I want to know.
Because every mom I have ever known, encountered, read about, heard about, or seen on TV, in a newspaper, or anywhere else is much more than "just a mom." She's usually also chief grocery shopper, chef, chauffeur, housekeeper, laundress, secretary, accountant, nurse, family activity planner, and general all-around-doer-of-everything-that-everybody-else-forgets-about. And that's in addition to taking care of the kids and/or holding down a job.
Frankly, I think the term "just a mom" is insulting. I know some of us embrace it, but I can't help but feeling like we're trying to make a derogatory, throwaway expression sound good.
Think about it: the word "just" implies "a very small amount" or "nothing more than." Now I don't know about you, but I don't think of myself as "a very small amount of" mom or "nothing more than" a mom.
That's why it bugs me so much. "Just a mom" makes motherhood sound like some leisurely activity that anyone could do with one hand tied behind their back and the other stuffing bon bons into their slack-jawed mouth. It devalues the hard work of caring for children. It devalues mothering.
It also smacks of the mommy wars: it makes stay-at-home moms feel unappreciated and unproductive (i.e., guilty) and working moms feel like they're not doing enough for their kids (i.e., guilty).
Hence, my tirade.
I think we mothers ought to do away with the phrase "just a mom." Every single one of us-whether we work inside or outside the home-should be proud of our role as a mother. And "just a mom" doesn't have a proud connotation.
If we moms start taking pride in the hard, necessary work we do, we'll command the respect of others. And by "others" I mean every single person, company, or politician who thinks taking care of kids is for folks who don't want to work. (Apparently they've never negotiated a toddler's temper tantrum in Target with 50 pairs of disapproving eyes on them or dealt with the boss' wrath for taking time off of work to be with a sick child.)
Madeleine Albright once remarked that raising children taught her necessary skills she later used as Secretary of State: namely, management, multitasking, and "getting people to play well together." If motherhood can impart skills to help someone become Secretary of State, shouldn't it be treated with a modicum respect?
So this Mother's Day, give yourself the gifts of respect and pride: throw away the phrase "just a mom." Because really, have you ever been "just" a mom? Didn't think so.
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