Health & Fitness: My Father, My Self

June brings memories of my last visit with my father on Father's Day 1994.

My father was a firm, wry witted, good old boy. A genuine John Wayne generation specimen. When he was 49 he had the first of several heart attacks, surgeries, and hospitalizations that would impact almost every aspect of who he was-and who I am. During that first hospitalization, he was terrified. He also said "I love you" to me for the first time in my life.

I am thinking of him often lately. Perhaps it is because it is the 10-year anniversary of his leaving this life, or maybe because it's Father's Day. But really, I think it has more to do with the Iraq war.

My father was a World War II veteran. He served somewhere in the Pacific. He rarely spoke of it. I think the first time I understood that he had been in a war was when my mom explained, "Daddy has bad dreams from the war" after we had all been wakened by his screams. Bad dreams. Very, very bad dreams.

My father never would talk with me much about his experience in the war. My questions met with far-away stares and minimal comment. It wasn't until after he died that I learned my brothers had been able to get through to him a few times late in his life and hear his stories. The job he had in the war was grotesque. His 50 years of nightmares made more sense.

Now I find myself wondering "what if." What if soldiers were supported in speaking out about their war experiences with their own words and tears? What if their telling could make us less likely to go to war?

Even if the telling by this generation of soldiers does not change the course of world events, perhaps on a personal level it can make a difference. This generation of soldiers' wives (or husbands, or partners[lga1]) is speaking out more about their loved ones' "nightmares" and need for support.

With the pressure to appear patriotic greater than at any other time in my life, I fear for these new veterans. Will these vets also be expected to suppress the horrific realities they faced and "live" in silence? How will it affect their children, their wives, and their health? I believe this generation of soldiers will be more receptive if help is made available. My hope is that it will be different for these men and women and their children than it was for my father.

I am unlikely ever to know what my father faced in the war, but I do know firsthand his 25-year battle with cardiovascular disease. He persevered with what he called a "sissy" diet and exercised regularly. He transformed himself-with a lot of help from my mother, an outstanding nutritionists, fitness trainers, nurses, and cardiologists who went far beyond the call of duty. Because of this, he was there to see me graduate from college, receive a Master's degree, and get married; he also was able to enjoy becoming a grandfather. My father never regarded himself as any kind of hero. But he was a hero to me.