It was a weeknight like any other: I had come home at 7:30, my wife had already fed our two sons, the lawn was overgrown, and I still had dozens of e-mails to check that night. After rushing through dinner, I promptly fell asleep on the couch with the remote control on my chest while the kids played with their trains. When I awoke to hear my wife bathing both of them, I realized I had hit rock bottom.
I know what you're thinking: "I'm not like that guy." Well, when my wife quit her teaching job to be our kids' primary care-giver, I too had ambitions of being a Modern Dad. I too swore I was going to be a true partner in raising our children, not just work to put gas in the car.
Somewhere along the way, I forgot a few principles about prioritizing work, family and time for myself. The funny thing about balancing your life is that you have to remember to do it. So, if you work outside the home, I offer some tips to help you better manage your commitments to your family, your job and yourself:
- Basic training: Eat three square meals a day, exercise, drink water, sleep. If you don't have any energy after work, how can you be there for your family?
- Schedule time for yourself: Go to the bookstore or a pub with friends, so when you're with your family you don't resent it. A very smart person (my wife) gave me that advice when our second child was born.
- Involve the kids: Enlist your children in activities that you might otherwise do alone, such as household chores or leisure activities. Give your toddler a little broom so you can sweep the porch together. Ask your 4 year-old to help break eggs into a bowl when cooking Saturday breakfast. Take the family for a hike on the same bike trail you used to ride yourself.
- You can parent even at work: My co-workers once overheard me pretending to be Bertie the Bus on the phone to congratulate my 3-year old for going pee-pee in the potty for the first time. Some creativity and a lack of shame help here.
- Be more efficient at work: If you saved 30 minutes at work by not eating out, gossiping, or forwarding email jokes to colleagues every day, you'd have that time to read to your kids. If you have a home office, respond to e-mail after the kids go to bed.
- Find someone else: Once a month my wife and I trade 4- to 5-hour babysitting stints with other couples so each can have a late night on the town (remember those?). Consider joining a parents' group or church to meet other parents, find out about babysitting co-ops, and access other free or low-cost resources.
Remember, it's quality and quantity time. I make no bones about the challenge to maintaining work-life balance (Note: my wife helps mow the lawn and fills her own gas tank). But when your child runs up to you after a long day screeching "Daddy's home!" you tell me if the amount of time you spend with your children matters. As for me, it was so nice outside yesterday that after work I met my family for a picnic at a park halfway to home. Hey, I'd rather be a working Dad than a working stiff.
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