So if focusing a little bit of your energy on yourself is healthy, what exactly is the best way to achieve this? Well, it’s a new year and time for new beginnings. Here are some ideas to get you on your way to throwing off the mantle of “mom-hood” and rediscovering the non-parent within.
GET BACK TO THE SOCIAL SCENE: No, we’re not talking about bar hopping with the college crowd until the wee hours of the morning. Why not start a book club, organize a wine tasting group, attend a happy hour or plan dinner with friends?
GIVE YOURSELF A REGULAR BREAK: Doesn’t everyone have 30 minutes a day that could be used more wisely? Take a bubble bath, hire a babysitter, attend a yoga class, go for a walk, hide yourself away to check your e-mail in peace, or just sit in the dark and meditate.
TAKE A NIGHT OFF: Set aside the chore list and designate one night a week for you and your family to do nothing. Maybe you can rent a movie or play a game. OK, so you’re not really doing “nothing,” but you are doing nothing on your never-ending to-do list, and that’s something!
WORK ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP: Make plans for a short romantic getaway or a vacation with your spouse. Even easier, pour a drink, turn off the TV and simply sit and talk for a few minutes after the kids have gone to bed.
EMPOWER YOUR CHILDREN: As your kids get older, teach them how to fend for themselves. You don’t have to do it all, nor should you. Life will be so much easier if your children can fix their own snacks, pack their book bags and clean up after themselves. Besides, they need to learn these things anyway. Might as well start now.
HOLD FAMILY MEETINGS: Set aside a regular time each week to hold a family meeting. It doesn’t even have to be called a meeting; it can be conversation over dinner or during a board game. Either way, it’s a great time to plan out the week or review the past one, delegate tasks, discuss problems and accomplishments, all the while reconnecting with each member of your family.
Life may be oh-so-busy, with work and extended family, kids and sports, clubs, schoolwork. But it goes by quickly. Why not enjoy it to its fullest while it’s happening? Maybe that means connecting with a social community that will help you as you raise your toddler, or finding that perfect stay-at-home or part-time job that will allow you to be fulfilled as both a mother and a professional. Regardless of what you do or how you do it, it’s important to do something, to find that perfect balance between work and play, kids and adults, togetherness and solitude. You’re only one person and while it’s tempting to give, give, give to others, sometimes you have to give back to yourself.
Ms. Ferguson uses this metaphor when she counsels families. “You’re basically a glass of water going around all day long, pouring out of your cup,” she says. Always remember to ask yourself, “What are you gonna do this week to fill your cup back up?”
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