by Julie Chen Allen
I admit, when I encounter a parenting dilemma, I often don’t call my mom. I don’t run to the library or reach for my dusty child development books. I don’t pull up my DVR-ed episodes of Nanny 911, or even call the pediatrician. And sometimes, I don’t even turn to my spouse.
When I am truly at a loss for parenting solutions, I turn to the Google search engine. Welcome to my parenting style: Google-parenting.
These days, I’ll just type in any combination of my feelings…my kids hate me!…and
immediately there is reassurance when 20,500,450 cyber links appear, unscientifically proving I am still fit to be a mom.
Or when I type in “my five year old…,” and the most popular searches automatically generate “is out of control.” Or “my toddler is…” that brings up “driving me crazy” at the top of the search list. Suddenly, my confidence as a mother is back. And – whew – my kids are not insane after all!
I find this instant relief the most alluring aspect of online parenting communities. When I’m at my wit’s end, gripes from other parents can be incredibly encouraging. Bed-wetting teens. Bossy brutes who torture their pets. Lying and stealing. In the impersonal forums of the World Wide Web, no topic is off limits. But all of sudden, my tot’s spitting toothpaste into the fish tank becomes innocuous. And having one child hanging off my elbow and another strangling my ankle suddenly seems a really small parenting problem.
Another captivating aspect of Google-parenting is the anonymity of both seeker and sage. Not knowing who is reading or posting makes parents more likely to share both problems and solutions. I mean, did I really need to know your baby peed on the couch? Or that the toddler swallowed a penny, or two? Or that the 5-year-old thinks you look “gross” naked? No, but in case it happens, I’ll know exactly what to do and what not to do. (And by the way, the penny will come out. There were X-rays to prove it!)
Finally, there is the practical and functional component of Google-parenting: the Google time-out. Temper tantrums without end? I take a Google time-out. Kiddos clogged up the toilet with wipes? I take a Google time-out. Found my favorite lipstick mashed up in the crayon box? I take an extra-long Google time-out. I bite my tongue, dig my nails into my palm, and wait for the laptop to power on.
I have gotten so savvy with logging on to the laptop when my kids act up that, one day, my sobbing 5-year-old (who was sleepy and, therefore, whiny) came running frantically behind me. He must have sensed that his antics were not going to work, because next thing I heard was an exaggerated wail, “Stop reading on the compuuuuuuuuter!”
Stepping away from the crisis at hand not only helps me disengage from intense emotions but also gives me time to figure out how to respond. That means I won’t have to FedEx the kids to my mom after all.
Yes, thanks to Google-parenting, the kids can stay.
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