The True Meaning of PMS

by Julie Chen Allen

To me, PMS actually stands for polychronic-mother-syndrome. It is a hybrid between obsessive-compulsive disorder and pure genius. It is a modus operandi for working mothers like me who are trying to juggle full-time parenthood, marriage, professional advancement, community service, and personal growth. (And might I add, all of this without feeling like I have the traditional kind of “PMS!”)

What I learned recently at a mediation conference helped me understand a lot about my home life. The polychronic-monochronic concept was first developed by Edward Hall in 1959 in his anthropological studies of time use in different cultures. Polychronicity describes people who prefer to (or simply can) work on multiple activities at one time. In contrast, monochronicity describes people who prefer to do one thing at a time. It’s no surprise I am the polychronic one in the marriage. Although, I would not say that I prefer polychronicity. Polychronicity preferred me once I became a working mom.

One of the constant struggles I face as a working mom is ensuring that the health, physical, social, mental and emotional needs are met for everyone in the family – every single day. Would my mind not be able to juggle more than one activity at a time, I’m not sure our house would still be standing.

If my husband actually heard the thoughts I have at 7AM on a typical morning, I’m sure he would just pass out:

Have to make breakfast for the kids…protein, eggs? Egg tacos or cheese sticks and grapes? Time check. Probably no time for egg tacos today. What’s on their daycare menu for breakfast? Cheese crackers. Cheese crackers?! Who is the nutritionist for our daycare?! No, I can squeeze in egg tacos if I save my makeup for the stoplights. Time check. Egg taco, it is. Should I wake the kids up now or after I make tacos? Later so their little brains can get 5 more minutes of rest. Fruit and dairy…hmmm, aha! Strawberry yogurt! Breakfast packed. Time check. Start coffee. Start brushing my teeth. Step outside to turn on the sprinklers so the grass won’t turn from yellow to brown. Throw a can of soup into the purse for lunch. Make kids’ lunches. Finish brushing teeth. Wake the hubby up to dress the kids. Time check. Good-morning kisses. Shower. Turn sprinklers off. Time check. Breathe.

This un-did at least half of the mind-clearing, muscle-stretching yoga I did from 6AM to 7AM. Good thing I have the DVD so I can try again tomorrow.

My monochronic husband gets each of our two sons individually dressed, teeth brushed, face wiped, and shoes on. Not of this at the same time. He sits wearily on the couch and wanted to know, Why are you not ready yet? I think to myself, Really? I bite my tongue and attribute such a query to the characteristics of monochronicity. I consider it neither better or worse, just misunderstood.

I imagine most moms eventually find themselves wondering whether there is an implantation surgery for extra hands or a cloning process to self-duplicate. Goodness knows how single moms do this without any help!

It appears that monochronic individuals prefer to think concretely and focus on one thing at a time. Don’t try to talk to my husband while he’s on the phone, his other ear won’t work. Polychronic individuals think abstractly and entertain various thoughts all at once. Case in point, I will boss my husband with one ear on the phone and the other ear listening to the boys’ arguing in their room. (My husband swears I have a third eye and ear.)

Interestingly, the presenter at the mediation conference said that the most successful businesses resulted from partnerships of a monochronic person and a polychronic person. That gave me warm reassurance that perhaps my husband and I will make it down the golden path after all. After all, he is the one who remembers to unplug the coffee pot after he makes his coffee, slowly and without doing anything else. Or the one who will eat a full breakfast before jumping in the shower (compared to my munching on a breakfast bar while trying to shave). Or the one who hears-sees-knows nothing else when Monday Night Football is on. How he can avoid doing everything altogether is beyond my polychronic mind.

Yes, I do have a jealous suspicion his mind feels much less hectic and much more focused as he handles one thing at a time. This could be the reason that he has a clean shave when I have been known to draw eyeliner on one eye and forget to draw on the other as I ran off to help the toddler open his yogurt.

But, enough musing on this lovely theory. That’s because I’ve got to turn down the stove, start a bath for the kids, read through the mail, pay some bills online, sign the kids’ progress report, fill out permission slips, and gather the dirty clothes tossed here and there – all the while waiting for the next available representative to answer my call so I can sort out this insurance claim denial.